


minutes to heaven

by spicynuggxts



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Unhappy Ending, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22522642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicynuggxts/pseuds/spicynuggxts
Summary: They say if someone dies, their whole life flashes before them in their last seven minutes. For Jongin, Sehun was in all of them.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 30
Kudos: 63
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2019





	minutes to heaven

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 215  
>  **Prompt:** They say if someone dies, their whole life flashes before them in their last seven minutes. For Jongin, Sehun was in all of them.  
>  **Pairing:** Sehun/Kai  
>  **Word count:** 2098  
>  **Warning(s):** major character death  
>  **Author's note:** for the prompter! i've tweaked a little bit of your prompt, but i still hope the heartache is what you're looking for. ;) enjoy!

_“Brain activity has been recorded up to 7 minutes after death. These brain waves are different from those we observe certain animals to have after sudden death such as decapitation; they are similar to those humans experience in deep sleep. It is still unclear as to why such brain activity occur.”_

  
  


All Jongin remembers before sinking into this relaxed state is a pain he has never felt before, a pain so harsh that muted all of his senses and landed him in his current state.

He’s relieved, but he’s not delighted to feel this way either. 

He thinks that maybe, he’s experiencing sleep paralysis. Feeling like he’s trapped in his body? Check. Feeling like he’s also in control of his thoughts? Check. Jongin is very clear he doesn’t like this feeling, but like the many other times he has experienced this, he also knows that getting angry or scared isn’t going to help him get out of this state faster. He tries to take a few deep breaths, his chest feeling constricted as if his own lungs are trying to stop him from breathing. 

What lies before his eyes is an opaque white, nothing more. Is this how the whites of his eyes look like? Jongin laughs to himself. There is nothing else he can do right now other than crack jokes and laugh at them on his own. 

Boredom seeps in, and as he relaxes into the softness of the duvet, he begins to dream. 

  
  
  
  


**one.**

Jongin dreams of the first time he met Sehun. 

It came as a shock when Jongin was able to meet his eyes comfortably. His friends were all half a head shorter or more, and he was used to tilting his head down to talk to them. When Sehun first approached Jongin, he felt as if his view was being blocked by those broad shoulders in front of him, and honestly, that took some time to get used to. 

They hit it off right away. The common sense of humor shared was unexpected to Jongin. His friends had always found his jokes uninteresting, and he was almost always left to laugh at his own jokes. It was a new feeling, having someone to laugh along with him. Jongin might have spent more time saying ‘stupid’ things with Sehun around, but he’s no longer self-conscious. 

The way Sehun spoke was also mesmerizing. His voice was mellow, and the tone he carried was as if he was cooing to a baby-- so soft, so gentle, and just so attractive. If he could, Jongin might just pay Sehun to read him a book. 

The excitement in Sehun’s voice when he spoke about dance was something Jongin loved hearing. It was like a happy tune, the joy so evident it lifts his mood as well even if the subject didn’t concern him then. He couldn’t be more beautiful when he spoke of his favorite activity, with that bright smile adorning his handsome features. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**two.**

Jongin was used to hearing comments about his height, about how much people wished they were as tall as he is because those long legs were so appealing. He doesn’t really understand the appeal until Sehun wore this pair of really tight ripped jeans that ended nicely at his ankles, showcasing his strong legs. He’s seen models rock jeans like this, but to see it in real life-- Jongin thought he couldn’t be more fortunate. (Later on, when they got closer Jongin stole this exact same pair of jeans to try on and he’s so amused by how nice his own legs look too.)

Sehun was a role model in terms of fashion sense, but not only so. Jongin thinks he was also the kindest person ever. 

He used to do volunteer work in his free time, helping old people clean their homes and refurbish them so as to provide them with a healthier space to live in mentally and physically. Jongin had accompanied Sehun a few times, and he had always marveled at the work he did. It’s not just about the initiative, it was also about the idea and the kind of help that was provided to the elderly in its most direct form. He was proud of how Sehun was able to find such a way to help these disadvantaged elders in his own way other than just providing the needy with monetary aid.

Sehun also had a love for animals of all sizes, with the exception of insects (if they are ever part of the animal kingdom, which they both agreed that insects will never part of). Sehun let Vivi run amok even in public spaces. He doesn't like to put Vivi on a leash, because he thought it was restricting Vivi's movements and making him sad. Jongin had different concerns with regards to letting a dog like Vivi run around unleashed, but if Sehun's okay with it then he thought he should be, too.

  
There was a lot to learn about Sehun.   
  
  
  
  
  


**three.**

The haziness of his mind brings him to the first time Jongin ever saw Sehun break his sunshine demeanor in the dance studio. 

As he suavely executed his dance moves, Jongin thought he was going to fall in love with Sehun like all the girls who were crowding around the entrance together with him. 

The feeling of being the only one pulled from the crowd to interact with Sehun was surreal. Jongin remembers the pride washing over him because he knows Sehun personally _unlike all the females outside_ , and he’s the one who was going to get to watch Sehun with his shirt off after practice unlike _any of them outside._

Sehun was a talented dancer. His moves were smooth and his feet were light. With the right facial expressions, Sehun was literally unbeatable. He steals the scene even if he's not the center. 

Jongin had always been proud of Sehun. 

However, there was more fluid hitting the dance floor other than sweat. 

Choreographies one after another, Sehun's feet seemed to meld into the dance floor. One by one, the other club members left the dance studio, leaving the pair behind. Sehun continues to burn the soles of his sneakers while Jongin watches him quietly in his own corner of the studio. The sky dimmed outside. Just as Jongin was about to ask Sehun if he wanted dinner, Sehun's knees buckled onto the floor.

Jongin remembers the pain he felt in his chest when he heard Sehun cry in the studio after making the same mistake for hours in a row. His cries were so emotionally laden-- full of frustration, exhaustion, disappointment. Yet, there was nothing he could do. In the cruel reality they lived in, Jongin knows that for Sehun to enter that prestigious dance team, what he had was not enough. He can stand out in the current team because they were dancing recreationally-- Sehun had to be a lot better for him to make the cut. 

Jongin knew there was nothing more he could do for Sehun other than accompanying Sehun back to the dorm at 4am or whenever he was done with practice, time and time again. 

Jongin prayed for Sehun from that night on before he sleeps.

  
  
  


**four.**

Jongin’s mind drifts to that one time he missed dinner with Sehun.

They don’t meet as often after graduation, each having their own schedules to meet. Nonetheless, the exhilaration felt by Jongin whenever they set a date to meet never died down.

Sehun was at dance practice again, but this time he stayed on after practice without telling anyone why. (Jongin’s checked it with Sehun’s mother-- they’ve been close ever since Jongin’s been having dinner at Sehun’s for the past few months.) They had agreed to meet at a fast-food restaurant near the studio because Sehun said he was craving them even though he had to diet for a performance that was coming up. 

15 minutes turned to an hour and Jongin had never been more worried, especially after seeing the instructors all leave the studio with the lights off. If Sehun was still in the studio, there would have been no reason for the lights to be switched off. 

Jongin peered in through the darkened windows, only to see a dark room greeting him back, as well as the sight of Sehun being pressed against the mirror in the corner Jongin always sits to wait for Sehun. A figure of a similar build has its hands all over Sehun, and the kiss they share could be described as ferocious, hungry, _needy._

Jongin remembered going to sleep hungry that night.

  
  


**five.**

Jongin’s mind brings him to the time he secretly attended dance classes at another studio, as a form of working out. He was embarrassed about it, not only because of the strange stigma surrounding him with regard to the idea of a man learning how to dance but also because he wanted to understand what was behind Sehun’s love for this art form. 

He remembers the thrill when he first learned a full choreography, and when people complimented him for his seemingly skilled execution of moves. There was no other joy comparable to that until he spoke of it one day absentmindedly to Sehun, who told him to stop copying him. 

To know that your best friend doesn’t support you was one thing, but to be hurt by his disrespecting comments was another. The words rang in his ears for days. 

In the months following Sehun’s lack of contact, Jongin made arrangements with the instructors to stay on after class ended every night, and he danced to his heart’s content. He had realized a joy he had never felt before, and it felt as if _dance_ was something that flowed in his blood and was a distinct part of him. 

As he twirls more than the choreography intended in the empty studio, tears fell down his face like rain. Sehun’s comments still stung even though it happened months ago. What made it worse was Sehun's complete indifference when he made the comment and the fact that he didn't even try to contact Jongin the period after. Jongin was teetering on the edge of recognizing his own mistake. He thought that maybe, maybe he was wrong. He had blatantly shoved the fact that he was competing with Sehun down his throat, and he should apologize.

Overwhelmed with emotions, Jongin reached for his phone.

The blank notification screen that Jongin was used to seeing, however, was instead filled with multiple messages from different schools and professional dance teams. It was then made known to him that a clip of him dancing one night after classes end went viral on the internet. The praises he had received made his heart swell, but none could compare to the glowing feeling in his chest when he saw a message from Sehun that started with a congratulatory sentence and ended with an open invitation to his home.

  
  
  


**six.**

Jongin remembers the sight that greeted him in the mirror after a night of passion. 

Love in the form of bruises were carved on his torso; his neck was decorated in streaks of purple, which were painful to the touch. There were many comfort zones crossed yesternight. Jongin was desperate to please, so he goes with anything Sehun wants to do. 

Sehun called Luhan’s name multiple times last night instead of his. It hurts a little, but when people enjoy themselves...it's normal to lose yourself right?  
  


**seven.**

With emotions riled high, Jongin confronts Sehun. 

Jongin had mistakenly found out that Luhan and Sehun have been seeing each other even when they were still together.

Jongin had let the matter go when he found out that Sehun had used his name to clinch a choreographer title in a musical theatre, claiming to be Jongin's mentor-cum-boyfriend. 

But this, he needed to know why.

He needed to know the meaning of sensual murmurs whispered in his ear countless times over the past year, the showy gifts on non-occasions, and the sweet nicknames he used to call Jongin whenever Sehun beckoned him over. 

Jongin couldn't see where he was going with the tears that kept overflowing from his eyes-- all he knew was that he was running, running away from the facts that were presented to him.

The pain felt when the car hit Jongin was nothing compared to the ache in his heart when Sehun said he’s never loved him. 

  
  
  
  
  


Even in Jongin’s final moments, his mind was filled with the memories of a man who never loved him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I certainly didn't expect this work to receive so much love given its length. This work meant a lot to me as well, serving as a conclusion to my own breakup.  
> I'm glad (and also sorry) that I made you cry!


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